Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! Estelle Winslow: Your great grandfather's name was Lester. Steve Urkel: I bought two tickets to a concert that Laura wants to go to and offered to take her as my, get this, date! Steve Urkel: You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. https://www.quotes.net/movies/family_matters_102099, https://www.quotes.net/movies/family_matters_quotes_102099. "Family Matters Quotes." Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. No. Besides it's just a joy ride what could go wrong? Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! Rachel Crawford: Thanks Steve. Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. Steve Urkel: [drinking spiked punch] What is this? He's a very large man who should be here any minute now. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I mean every word, sweetheart. Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! Harriette Winslow: Carl, out first table was next to the entrance where everybody was waiting to be seated. So, what's cookin', good lookin'? [laughs] Bye! The man was open all day! Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Then, you'll need a wide-angle lense. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in? Would you rather be buried or cremated? If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement. Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. You had two whole days to forget where it was. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. And, I just wanted to wish you good luck. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. [kisses Laura] Love you. Harriette Winslow: Did I embarrass you, Carl? [Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. He introduced himself and I was immediately struck by deep brown eyes, his engaging sense of humor and how delicately he handled my cantalopes. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? Laura: I couldn't have done this without you. An illustration of a person's head and chest. Carl Otis Winslow: That's right, that petition was a great idea. He left the minute we put a warrant up for his arrest. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! [Notices Maxine & Laura left the living room] Well, I thought it was a good story. It's just for the family Steve stop begging. Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. Waldo: Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time, but would you like to kinda, maybe go out with me, sorta, tomorrow night, maybe? We're starved. Sorry. Actor Jaleel White, famous for his cultural touchstone role as Steve Urkel in Family Matters, is entering the cannabis industry.Through a partnership with 710 Labs, White's new cannabis line . Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]. Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. We're getting dirty looks from old people! Carl Otis Winslow: [to himself] That's just was well because we might not be allowed to go back into that restaurant again. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait Wait. Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral, Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. [Eddie has just realized his mistake in standing his father for the chance to go out on his date with a girl that he likes]. I'm being born! He did for suspenders in the 1990s what Robin Williams' Mork from "Ork" did in the 1980s - he made them cool. But, I'd be willing to pay you. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. Laura: Steve, you like this kind of music? But I recognized him right away. Don't they teach Black History at your school? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Steven Quincy Urkel: I will *not* sleep in the bathtub! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I call Waldo Faldo up. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me! Lt. Murtaugh: No, because I brought him back. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. Suppose I made it happen. Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. Anywhere away from my Laura. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. Gun, Carl. Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! One Now, let's read it! Carl, you given me a half-eaten box of candy. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. Rodney Beckett: YOU thought you were smart? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. This is my grandmother's wedding and $1500. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, well. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. You're taking me out for dinner at Chez Josephine's. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. Steve Urkel: All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta. Laura: Doth thou love me? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. Let me tell you something though Weasel. I'm getting dizzy. You would win the gold. And OOHHH, and him! Steve Urkel: Oh, positive. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? Rachel Crawford: Good. My, what strong arms. Money has germs on it. I'm in this class. Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. Lt.Murtaugh: Do you know that woman Winslow? Laura: Where did you get the money for this? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. I can teach you how to cook. [runs upstairs]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [after Steve, Eddie & Waldo sang 'My Girl'] Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Welcome to Leroy's! Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. I can't! Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Eddo. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. Steve Urkel: Could. Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. I never got an 'A' before. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. Having aired 215 episodes, Family Matters is ranked third, behind only Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254), and The Jeffersons (253). Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? 4 Mar. Come here. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. Carl Otis Winslow: The guy who wrote The Three Musketeers? Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. And to top it all off you gave me an old card that I already have. It's late. I can't live like this. And it will also think of a range of mistakes, not just the standard fare of stats guys everywhere: the disastrous trade up. Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. Carl Otis Winslow: [furious] Edward is in jail. All the pins look like Laura! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? I'll teach you. Can you believe that? Mondo do du chok! Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Laura Lee Winslow: [Yelling at Judy who's trying to shove her plate in front of Eddie dishing food] Can you wait? Let's call it recycling. I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds fifteen seconds sixteen seconds. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Three times X equals six. Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. Carl: [Urkel Voice] In the meantime, I have to break the news to Harriette. This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. When's the last time you slept? You made me so nervous that I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble taken off. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Carl] I know you're stubborn as a mule but you don't have to act like a jackass! You trifled with my emotions! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Fletcher has a bigger family then we thought. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll show him. Clarence: Dude, you a serious little nerd. Maxine: Ugh, what is this? No more chimes. Forget it, Steve. Carl Otis Winslow: Out for a walk around the block. Stop the music! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Hey, cut me some slack. Eddie: [chuckling] I know this one! Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. I wanna read it to my mom. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? He interruped my phone call meant for Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. aries: "You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Waldo: [pause] Wow! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? "Tomorrow, Dad!" Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. Carl Otis Winslow: Richie, I get the money back if the helmet breaks. Please, my little Rapunzel. Willie Fuffner: I don't know what you're talking about, officer. Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts. Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Jaleel White had a very busy handful of years in the '90s. Larry Csonka: Yes, spread the word. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. Harriette Winslow: So how're things back home? Dont you know when you make a mistake, you fess up to it. Steve Urkel: Of course. Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. I got a nosebleed at birth. Laura Lee Winslow: Does shag carpet also make you crazy? Harriette Winslow: You most certainly do. Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department? I don't know what to say. And even then I knew it wasn't right. We're having big fun here. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Steve Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. Laura Lee Winslow: Tonight is the charity bachelor auction. Pull your gun right now. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Their own version of the 3 R's? He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. And I don't get many calls! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson! Steve Urkel: Because, I love you love you love you! Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! Just you and me. It helps to determine how much help you need. Harriette Winslow: You were gone for three hours. There is no Steve here. Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. [Grabs and kisses her. It's to another restaurant. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. [laughs]. Didn't you? right next to the bathroom. Carl Otis Winslow: [kisses the ice cream carton] Goodbye. I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! Carl: Uh-oh. Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded? Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. It's not funny, it's dangerous. I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. Harriette Winslow: I know. I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! "Tomorrow, Dad!" I can almost see what you had for lunch! But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers. 89. Carl Otis Winslow: [after bringing Eddie home from jail] Now Edward, stop looking around for Steve. Got anything in the fridge? Get me a cherry slurpy! When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Steven Quincy Urkel is a fictional character on the American ABC/CBS sitcom Family Matters, portrayed by Jaleel White. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel! Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? Steve Urkel: Then your nasal passages swell and your nose and throat slam shut tighter than a clam. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Laura: Not when the bomb is in the basement with you! [cries]. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room! Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Laura: Science class. Rachel Crawford: Well at least we know where it is. She just slipped and I caught her. Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Take out the trash Edward, "Tomorrow Dad!" She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home], Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. Darnell Watkins: [about Carl] This guy's about invisible. People just love juicy gossip! A heart that hurts. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura this elixir will improve my coordination, my posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two. Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Just as I thought. Mango? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing. Pick a general observation about her personality. Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Cop: It's also against the law. [picks up a single serving container of gross looking food in the cafeteria]. Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant? Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. And what about the car show last Saturday? [He leaves the house]. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. It meant a lot to me. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. You think she'll really kiss Steve? Weasel: Yeah chill. CNN Actor Jaleel White is joining the growing list of celebrities who have launched a cannabis brand. Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Steve Urkel: [to Carl] They actually give this guy bullets? [Comes out and fights Willie as the students cheer for a fight between Urkel and Fuffner], [Waldo and Wille has just gotten out of class to trash Urkel's locker]. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! The Its PurpL logo features the young mug of White as Steve Urkel, with his signature Coke-bottle spectacles and high-top fade haircut that blends into a purple haze riding above the floating. I can't afford a B on my permanent record. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! He is portrayed by Jaleel White. Laura: Don't argue. Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? And most of all, you don't have to deal with bullies. Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. Was it fair that you stood your father up for bowling? I have feelings. Reading, 'Riting and Racism? Nobody threatens my woman! Carl was his horse. You have the right to remain silent. [steps on the gas]. Would you like that? Harriette Winslow: I simply put out his cigar. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. Have you taken leave of your senses? Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you? Steve Urkel: We met once. The next minute rump roast! [Eddie agrees as Mother Winslow and Harriette walks out of the living room]. Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, just two weeks. So, is it all right with you? I'm on duty? She xeroxed it over and over and over and over and [Steve covers his mouth for one second. 11 days ago. We'll go camping together some other time. Boyd Higgins: Name's Boyd Higgins, but ym friends call me Buck! The Urkel mock will think bigger in potential screw-ups for teams that have valued assets poorly in the past than for teams that have made few mistakes. Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me. Bye! Laura Lee Winslow: O.k. What about it, Steve. Steve Urkel: I've got an Uncle Dirk Urkel who was blessed with a two-foot long nose hair. Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. Carl: [in an Urkel like voice and gives Stefan some money] Here takes some casher rooney and fix it sooney. I feel stupid! Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Laura Lee Winslow: [after Steve gives her a ring] This is real! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band. Then we par-tay, see no problem. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, but only for one month. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Make my day! "No mo giet itsu mana! Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah, well you have to get rid of them. Steve Urkel: Oh, I see. YOU'RE WHERE? Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Good answer! [He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]. Chico! Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you? Rodney Beckett: [after seeing Eddie's music video] I can't believe it. Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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